Hi iane!
If you were an organization or a government agency, I would say you are going through your periodic review and this is the part where it's picked up momentum.
This is just to say that you tend to go through these experiences when you make a big, courageous, life-changing decision. It seems that doubts are a natural side effect of your process....not to mention how true that would be for anyone who decides to store the goods and leave their home.
Following just what little bit of your story you've shared in the forum, I'm impressed by your activities and surprised by your concerns since you seem to have a great deal of merit. Helping just one person get out of their war-torn nation seems to me to contain the potential of boundless merit, provided the dedication of that merit.
The paramita of patience is the one I think of when having doubts with the path, or however you might characterize what you are going through. We want to keep patience for dealing with samsara, so it can be helpful to remember that the self is samsaric and it is willing to challenge - by merely forgetting - any truth we may have previously felt or recognized. Because our own self is something of an "insider," personally, it has the advantage of being the internal state in whose voice we are not mindful. That is to say, in a case like this, it can be a voice that is an erroneous view which embraces or summons an attitude of permanence, either now or at some arrival point in the future where we can relax.
I doubt that you've made this kind of comparison, but your concerns regarding compassion and all infinite sentient beings reminds me of the Avalokitesvara story just before he becomes the 11-headed, 1000-armed version of Avalokitesvara. I think this story, when applied to our own difficulties with compassion and countless sentient beings and our perceived incapacity to help all of them right now, exemplifies the Buddha's wisdom as it applies to each of our individual paths: we will have such difficulty with this. `Shantideva mentions it in chapter 4 of the
Bodhicharyavatara, on guarding bodhicitta, but reminds us that this is a manifestation of our own afflictions:
(41) When I promised to liberate from their disturbing emotions
Wandering beings in the ten directions
As far as the ends of space,
I myself was not freed yet from disturbing emotions,
(42) And didn’t even realize the extent of my (being under their control);
Wasn’t it crazy to have spoken (like that)?
But, as this is so, I shall never withdraw
From destroying my disturbing emotions.
I find it can also be helpful to consider the six realms and which one I'm mentally clothed in at the moment. Sometimes, we may spin through these realms, giving the wheel of samsara an energetic spin with emotive thought energy...or something like that. More briefly, simply recognizing which of the 3 poisons is predominant right now can be helpful. Oftentimes, mindfulness is merely recalling the appropriate aspect of the Dharma that applies to this moment. Because the Buddha recognizes the nature of reality and its interdependence, there really is a teaching that applies to each of the 84,000 thoughts/afflictions. Sometimes, just recalling ones' previous meditative "state of mind" - opening up or letting go of the current thought thread - is best. Our difficulty is that the mind is pristine, so it can be good to have a sense of humor regarding this.
After all, if we take the refuge seriously, we don't have to take the interactions of our thoughts and emotions quite so seriously. They are compounded, arising out of karma and obstruction. But just as food can be medicine or poison for the body, so too the thoughts we nurture.
I'm not sure who said this. I thought it was Patrul Rinpoche, but he may have been quoting someone else. I'm uncertain where I read it, so I don't have the quote. At any rate, it said something along the lines that it is best, when measuring our "progress" on the path, that we look back at our own path and not at others'.
For practicing compassion, if you're looking for a newer practice, try reading and practicing Tulku Thondup's
The Heart of Unconditional Love. You also might look up and read some of his stuff online. It'll help you now in regard to your feelings regarding all the beings you can't save right now.
For meditation on wisdom,
Our Pristine Mind, by Orgyen Chowang, employs a simple meditation that can be done in 5 minute sessions, though the longer the better. It's based on the words of Padmasambhava: "Don't follow the past. Don't anticipate the future. Remain in the present moment. Leave the mind alone." He also has a website featuring short talks regarding pristine mind. He's a fun teacher.
Hope this is helpful.
I'm sure things will unfold well for you.
Peace.