European refugee crisis - how to deal with Islam-haters?

Hello Matt,

thank you very much for your kind reply. Yes, helping the refugees is indeed very rewarding. You get to meet really interesting people from all over, and all of them have a unique story to tell. I try to be aware what it does to me, because I think it can very easily also become an Ego-trip where you do it in order to feel good about yourself.

About my problem with that friend: I think you are absolutely right, I won't change other people's mind, and I should focus on my own mind and negativity that came up in that context. It is not doing me any good to become upset about it. I *feel* like I might be able to stay calm and compassionate in a conversation with her, but I am not entirely sure, and the general intention might still be the "being right". I notice that I have made tremendous progress in respect to not becoming defensive and agressive in discussions in the last few years. But there is still a long way to go I think, and I am not ready for this kind of test yet .

It is very good that you are reminding me of the reasons why that situation presents itself for her and for me right now. It's actually very obvious, but well, I apparently forgot for a moment... It shows that my practise is not firm enough yet, when things only seem clear and obvious as long as you sit on your cushion . I will use these opportunities of her ranting to discern my emotions, and instead of mentally condemning her for not being compassionate, I will try and generate some more compassion for her.

Thank you again.
iane.

Awww, thanks Jeff!

A few days ago, Venerable Thubten Chödron had a really nice talk on her Bodhisattva's Breakfast Corner on the qualities of the Buddha that I wanted to share. She was also talking about the speech of a Buddha (starting around 8 minutes into the video), and what she said resonated with me and what you said: that even though we might have the right motivation, the words don't come out of our mouths in the right way, or are not received as we intended, and they can cause disharmony.

The Buddha has the finesse to say the right thing at the right time and can affect people. Most of us don't yet, but it is something to be aspired .

I found that very interesting.

Thanks again to you guys!

iane

Hello Iane,

I saw Lama Ole Nydahl in 1996 in Vienna/Austria in a talk he gave. His talk and way to deal with things has further prompted my interest in Buddhism. Thank you Lama Ole Nydahl…..

Few years ago I discovered that he established a meditation center + Sangha just 10 minutes from where I lived as a child in horribly un-spiritual communist times. Thank you Lama Ole Nydahl for being one of the first or perhaps the first who dared to bring Buddhism to spiritually starved eastern Europe.

I have followed his teachings from time to time afterwards to see what`s new and how he presents the Dharma. What I heard is that `Islam is a threat`, never heard direct negative talk against Islam as such. Perhaps his approach has changed now and this would be a distressing thing to hear.

As for Germany: I am watching the Buddhist scene since years and the time where Lama Ole Nydahl was a leading figure seems to be over. There are many other teachers and masters to be chosen from. Still not sufficient though, but it develops in the right direction.

Iane, what you describe in your messages made me smile. No wonder Jeff finds it a fascinating exchange. What you describe is kind of a metaphor of what we human beings are going through day by day. Sometimes there are more peaceful times, sometimes rough ones.

What you describe is exactly the challenge we have in daily lives: To skillfully work with circumstances and how difficult it is. And to forgive oneself if one (again) could not manage it the way one wanted to but created confusion and negativity instead. Keep going, definitely you`re going in the right direction and the fact that you are diligently working on this issue is amazing and incredibly precious. Many if not most people do NOT take all these pains but numb themselves with what is readily available.

``the words don't come out of our mouths in the right way, or are not received as we intended, and they can cause disharmony. ``

Definitely that`s the point.
There`s only one way to deal with it and Matt explained it eloquently. To stay focused when the other person`s words make you upset is a skill which can be practiced. Be grateful to everybody who makes you practice it.

Keeping fingers crossed for you, Iane.

Greetings from somebody who lives in `inter-cultural tension` since earliest childhood and whose daily task it is to make people understand each other and let go of their pain, aggression. I went through all the stages from aggression and cynicism in my early years to much more skillful means from my 30ies onward. Nowadays, at the age of 55, I mostly focus on intervention in disputes and am very grateful to do so with some positive result.

Keep on going, Iane.

Tamara