brian
Senior Member
Posts: 83
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Post by brian on Jul 23, 2013 6:38:30 GMT 1
The value of friendship is incalculable. Our friends take us out of isolation and self misery. I just want to give praise to all the friends of friends and the inter-dependent world. The question I propose is what is the best way to be a good friend. What is the best approach to being friendly? I know many of the answers but I would just enjoy hearing your thoughts and experiences. Namaste and grace be with you.
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shaun
Full Member
Posts: 21
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Post by shaun on Jul 23, 2013 11:51:20 GMT 1
Ananda once said to the Buddha," half of this holy life is association with good & noble friends". The Buddha replied,"don't say that Ananda, it's not half of this holy life, it's all of this holy life associating with good & noble friends".
If we accept this as true, & also remember another piece of Buddhism, that everyone we meet is a Buddha or bodhisattva that's trying to teach us the way.
The next step of course is to reverse the situation & ask ourselves are we a good & noble friend & have we behaved in a Buddha like manner, are we striving to become more bodhisattva like.
Your question is quite hard to answer. I suppose it is to just be there, if & when the need arises & hopefully through your study & practise of the dharma, you'll be a worthwhile friend at that time.
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matt
Senior Member
Posts: 425
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Post by matt on Jul 23, 2013 18:48:47 GMT 1
Accept people as they are, do not try to change them. This builds trust which is essential to friendship. When you feel disgruntled with them, try to understand that you are seeing a part of yourself you do not like, then make an effort to improve your own attitude, rather than taking them to task. Be tolerant, don't judge. Most important: build a Buddhist practice. All the virtues one develops through practice are what gives us the ability, self confidence and ease to be a true friend. This includes developing and maintaing healthy boundaries.  No matter who it is, supposed friend, enemy, relative or stranger, without the self there is only love. It is amazing to discover we have this capacity to love selflessly. |
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jeff
Senior Member
Posts: 128
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Post by jeff on Jul 23, 2013 18:51:01 GMT 1
The question I propose is what is the best way to be a good friend. What is the best approach to being friendly? To be an effective friend it is important to know the mind of the person to whom you wish to be friendly. When I spend time at the nursing home I believe most of the people want to feel "human" again (rather than a burden, etc.) so I try to interact in a way that shows them what they say and think are valuable to me. It took me 3 years of visiting people in nursing homes so it's a skill that needed to be developed. Being friendly by simply smiling at someone on the street is a different type of skill. To broaden our abilities to interact effectively it requires a real study of our own minds and then applying that knowledge in practice. imo Jeff |
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tamara
Senior Member
Posts: 178
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Post by tamara on Jul 24, 2013 1:09:00 GMT 1
Topic of friendship:
Seen from a Vajrayana point of view we make ``friends`` out of egoistic reasons.
This is because making friends with few we automatically leave out all the others.
So, at the age of 53, and having spent some time in Europe recently seeing old friends, I would say:
Friendships are a wonderful thing but at some point on our Dharma path we have to get way beyond them.
I see my teenage son (he will be 17 in a few weeks) relishing his friendships a lot.
He and his group of friends envision and build a new life for themselves after all.
But for me I say:
Discard it, discard and look at the big picture.
Tamara
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Post by Rudy on Jul 25, 2013 22:37:43 GMT 1
Ultimately, we need to discard all, in order to help all - but perhaps that 's a bit too cryptic? |
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brian
Senior Member
Posts: 83
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Post by brian on Jul 27, 2013 18:48:59 GMT 1
Thanks a lot everyone. Many times being overly self conscious and holding onto unjustified fear gets in the way of "being friendly". Sometimes I drank too much alcohol to be "more social". Yet of course this hasn't been exactly a healthy habit. I see how removing the thought of self overcomes this unnecessary fear and self consciousness. Letting go of ego also helps remove craving for mind altering substances. I have witnessed through the Dalai Lama that Humility is definitely a foundational element of true relation to others. It seems like the bedrock of all spiritual practice. I don't want to forget that. I'm trying to stay mindful of that simple attitude. Humility allows so much good to flow while any superiority/inferiority complex befuddles good intentions. I just am. I have faith that goodness arises out of calm abiding. I will attract love with love. I will attract happiness with happiness. I appreciate the wisdom and tolerance you have all shown me. I wish for each one of my Buddhist friends here the greatest health, wealth and happiness imaginable. Namaste |
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matt
Senior Member
Posts: 425
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Post by matt on Jul 27, 2013 19:19:12 GMT 1
Thanks a lot everyone. Many times being overly self conscious and holding onto unjustified fear gets in the way of "being friendly". Sometimes I drank too much alcohol to be "more social". Yet of course this hasn't been exactly a healthy habit. I see how removing the thought of self overcomes this unnecessary fear and self consciousness. Letting go of ego also helps remove craving for mind altering substances. I have witnessed through the Dalai Lama that Humility is definitely a foundational element of true relation to others. It seems like the bedrock of all spiritual practice. I don't want to forget that. I'm trying to stay mindful of that simple attitude. Humility allows so much good to flow while any superiority/inferiority complex befuddles good intentions. I just am. I have faith that goodness arises out of calm abiding. I will attract love with love. I will attract happiness with happiness. I appreciate the wisdom and tolerance you have all shown me. I wish for each one of my Buddhist friends here the greatest health, wealth and happiness imaginable. Namaste Nice post Brian |
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tamara
Senior Member
Posts: 178
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Post by tamara on Aug 1, 2013 1:33:32 GMT 1
Rudy wrote: ``Ultimately, we need to discard all, in order to help all - but perhaps that 's a bit too cryptic? `` Cryptic..., ultimate truth remains cryptic until it reveals itself  I was thinking about how to answer your post, Rudy, and nothing came to my distracted mind for a few days. Is it helpful to repeatedly hint on `emptiness` in a discussion forum (because `discarding all` means nothing else than to see its emptiness of so-called inherent existence) ? I think it is helpful because forum readers with the right karmic constellation will understand it and others don`t (yet). Now yesterday after a gap of perhaps 4 years I went to a meditation center here and what does the Western guy do there with his experience of 40 years of trying to practice the path ? He recites the Heart Sutra as the core teaching to people who are in a meditation session for the 1.time in their lives. I was pleased to see this happen. I believe in imprints on the so-called mind stream  Tamara |
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Post by Rudy on Aug 2, 2013 22:35:39 GMT 1
Actually, I intended to hint at both renunciation and emptiness. In my limited understanding of emptiness, they go pretty much hand in hand.  |
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matt
Senior Member
Posts: 425
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Post by matt on Aug 2, 2013 23:00:49 GMT 1
Actually, I intended to hint at both renunciation and emptiness. In my limited understanding of emptiness, they go pretty much hand in hand. There is no hand...lol |
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Post by Rudy on Aug 3, 2013 11:02:19 GMT 1
Says who??? |
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