How to handle this type of anger

Hi Dan,
Very good question, anger is often not easy to handle.

Not sure if you read the website page on anger yet, but the main approach in Buddhism that I find helpful is to use analytical meditation. Important to know of course is that we cannot expect big results at all from one or two 10-minute meditation sessions. With meditation we try to habituate our mind to more positive states, and reduce the negative states of mind.
We have many habits that appear to be in us almost from birth, and all we usually do with them is make them stronger and stronger over the years. We cannot un-learn negative habits that have formed over many years in just a few minutes. However, if we manage to take some time every day to work on our problems, chances are that not only the problems we focus on are gradually reduced, but our slow change of mind is likely to effect our whole attitude towards things.

In meditations that focus on reducing anger, you can try first to analyse what happens in your mind. The advantage of meditation is that you do not need to act as in 'real life', but you sit on your cushion or chair without any intent to act, just to study your own mind. If you analyse anger (and please read the webpages viewonbuddhism.org/delusion_introduction.html and viewonbuddhism.org/anger.html) it always comes down to the same thing: the problem is caused by ignorance and delusions in our own mind and in the minds of others. Basically, this ignorance and delusions direct ouselves and others to do negative things, and we should direct our anger to do something about that.

So in your example, your normal conclusion is that these people are full of anger to write these things, but look at yourself: you are angry too! Are you any better then them to judge them as 'angry, bad or whatever'?
Next, as you wrote, you would like to balance the conversation, but are not sure how, and if it will have any positive effect at all. Basically, this is a complaint about your own ignorance on how to handle this.
So, in a few lines of reasoning, the problem has shifted from 'angry and ignorant people out there' to my own anger and ignorance. Changing others is difficult, although we may still need to try and do that, but without wisdom we cannot do anything sensible. If we would direct the energy of the steam that comes out of our ears to develop ourselves to be less angry, more compassionate and wise, everyone would benefit.

It takes some getting used to this, but when you try to make such analyses on many example situations that you encounter, you will discover over time that you will develop much more wisdom and patience to deal with life. But don't take my word for it, try it!

Thanks for your responses, Rudy and Jeff. Very thought provoking!

Rudy,
I have read through the page on anger, which is what led me to creating this thread, though I do plan on reading it again in more detail. I'll also refer to link on Delusional Emotions as you suggested.

Until now I've treated meditation as, "something I will get into when I'm ready", but the more I hear about it, the more important it appears to be if I want to conquer this frustration. I've tried it a few times in the past, but I have an incredibly over-active mind, and I found it very difficult. I suppose it's a matter of time and practice.

As far as a "sensible" reaction to this particular situation, perhaps I should explain myself a bit further. Usually when there is an online discussion that I want to voice my opinion in, I do so as reasonably as I can. I try to treat it as a discussion rather than "I'm right and you're wrong", and I explain how I understand where they're coming from. I maintain an open mind, and I'm prepared to admit that I'm wrong if I feel that they make a good point. In my mind, at least, this is a sensible way to react to comments that I heavily disagree with. The issue comes when I'm responded to in a non-reasonable and emotional way. This is where I get intensely bothered, angered, and frustrated.

This is why I am conflicted. I'm not quite sure what a "sensible" reaction to this situation is. What I feel is sensible only seems to make matters worse for me. I therefore come to the conclusion that it is probably best if I ignore these comments and move on, but then I feel as though I'm not taking action where I can.

Jeff, I'm glad you mentioned that I'm not perceiving the source of the anger correctly. This intrigues me greatly because as I mentioned, I have sincerely felt that the source is my frustration with others who are not being reasonable. Any time I've tried to trace the anger to its core, that seems to be the conclusion. Though it sounds like I'm not looking deep enough. I do believe that the issue lies within me, and not within others, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what I need to change within myself. 

I'm not quite sure what is meant by a "misperception of 'I'". Is there anything I can read from this site or others that will help me better understand that concept?

Thank you again for your comments.

Dan, did you try meditation just by yourself or in a group?

Rudy, I was by myself each time I've tried to meditate.

Thanks for the insight, Tamara. I would be very interested to know if there is any way to make this anger beneficial. It's something that has haunted me since I was a kid. On the outside and in social situations, I am not an angry person at all. In fact I'm often described as one of the calmest people my friends know. I very rarely show signs of anger when I'm around other people, and I think it's because my mind is focused on interacting with them. When I'm alone with my own thoughts, however, my mind wanders and I immediately begin to think about things that make me tense and frustrated.

Most of the thoughts that get me angry are things people have said in the past. These can be comments from the internet, or remarks that my friends made. I'm unsure as to how I could make this anger beneficial.

Thanks for the suggestion, Rudy. I will certainly look further into that.

You're correct with your analysis. I have been going to talk-therapy for almost 11 years now. During these 11 years I feel I've come to understand myself and how my mind works, at least from a psychological standpoint. You can say I have OCD or general anxiety disorder, but for me those are just labels. I know that all of the issues I experience are simply due to me over-thinking, and if I can learn to tame my mind, I can conquer all of them. This is what drew me to Buddhism in the first place, as it demonstrates how much can be done simply by making changes within yourself. From the little that I've read into so far, it seems that studying it can only help me.

Ah, that puts things a bit into perspective. Don't worry, according to Buddhism, we all suffer from mental disorders - only a Buddha is free from them.

As with most people, but especially in your case, it may be best to focus on relatively simple types of meditation to calm and observe the mind. In order to do this, we need to learn how not to react to the things we see in our mind.
For example, when you just observe the mind, the thought of a bird may come up. The point is then to acknowledge that you think of a bird, and then let it go instead of starting up a whole train of thoughts about the bird. Simply said, in order to get some control over our mind, we need to be able to think: 'this is not important, I let it go now'. This is a simple technique, but certainly not easy to learn.

Our mind is habituated to come up with loads of stories, experiences, images, smells and whatever as soon as something pops up. This is a natural thing, and we need it to some extent, in order to recognize dangerous situations and get ourselves to safety. However, when we get too much stuck in our thoughts and fantasies about something, we pay less attention to the actual world around us, and we may not notice the next dangerous situation at all.
For example, when we drive on the road and see a serious accident happen in front of us, the first reaction is often to rush to the victims and try to help them, and we get all absorbed in helping them. That is a great and compassionate reaction, but we can easily overlook that other drivers may not see the accident in time and smash full speed into the damaged cars. So our first reaction should be to avoid another car speeding into the accident, and then go and help the victims.

A similar thing is needed in our mind; we should always remain aware of the bigger picture, and not let our ideas of something automatically take over our entire mind. With simple techniques such as watching the breath or observing the mind, we train in just that. We observe, but do not follow up with trains of thoughts about everything. This takes time, lots of time and habituation. But with every little progress we make, we tend to become a bit calmer and get more grip on what we think and do.
We get less worked up about things, and when we really need to think clearly about something, the mind is more calm to do so properly.

So your initial reaction to injustice is great and compassionate; you like to do something about it. But the next thing is useless: getting worked up and angry - it does not solve the problem, rather it creates a new one... Only with a calm and rational mind we can do something useful. If you don't have that, doing nothing is probably better for everyone.

There is a Buddhist saying that may also be helpful: when we meet a problem, there are generally two possibilities: we can do something about it, or we cannot. If we can do something useful, do it. If we cannot, we have to accept it the way it is.